While it is tempting to force conversations about feelings, this will generally lead to a zipped-lipped child! Rather, focus on modelling these conversations yourself. Talk to your child about (age appropriate) situations you’ve experienced and how they’ve made you feel. For instance, “I have a meeting today and I feel so nervous about it” or “Ugh I just spilled my coffee down my top, how embarrassing”. This normalises such conversations and increases the chances your child will open up too.
It’s also really important to really listen and welcome anything and everything your child talks to you about – because as they say, if you listen to the little things, your child will come to you with the ‘big’ things.
Lastly, when your child does open up to you, think about how you’re responding. Sometimes they’re going to open up about things that will make you feel uncomfortable and if you let this discomfort come through in your response to them, they’ll absolutely stop coming to you with their feelings. Similarly, if you jump into solution mode rather than just listening, acknowledging and validating their experiences, they’ll likely avoid opening up to the extent you’d like them to.
About the author
Amanda Abel is a paediatric psychologist, mum, and founder of Northern Centre for Child Development (NCCD) and Hawthorn Centre for Child Development (HCCD) – multidisciplinary paediatric practices in Melbourne. Working directly and indirectly with hundreds of clients each year, Amanda’s mission is for every child to achieve their best outcomes by equipping families and educators with the tools they need to help kids thrive.
Amanda draws on her own experiences of being a parent along with her extensive training and well-honed skill set to get families thriving. Having worked with families for almost two decades, as a psychologist for the past 11 years in a variety of settings, and a valued board member of the Autism Behavioural Intervention Association, Amanda loves building the confidence of the adults in the lives of children so that they can connect meaningfully, help them reach their full potential, and live a life that reflects their values.
Often appearing on Channel 7 and 9 News and regularly featuring in print media, Amanda is on a mission to make the world better for kids through her clinical work, consulting to some of the biggest global toy manufacturers and educating the digital media industry about making the internet safer for kids.
Photo by Tatiana Syrikova
