As hard as it is to watch, letting our kids feel disappointed is how we help them build resilience. Disappointment is a natural part of life and an emotion that we all need to know how to manage.
As with all emotions, it is important to acknowledge and validate your child’s experience (telling them to ‘toughen up’ won’t help here). You can use phrases like:
“Oh I can see how disappointed you are that Madison had to cancel the playdate today. It’s normal to feel that way”. The next step is really important though – this is where you help your child navigate this emotional experience by providing co-regulation support where needed. So you might follow the acknowledgement and validation with “how about we go jump on the trampoline together, it might make you feel a bit better?” – or something else that you know helps your child feel more regulated.
Exposure to adverse events (situations leading to disappointment will fit in here) is what helps kids develop resilience. So I absolutely don’t recommend shielding your child from things such as leaving their lunch at home and losing games. Learning to recover from this is an essential part of life, and what helps with the later positive attributes of grit and persistence.
