Expert Opinion

What can I do if my child feels left out at kinder or school?

11 Apr
There are few things more heartbreaking as a parent than hearing your child is feeling left out. But there are ways to help your child navigate these moments and ultimately build resilience and stronger social connections.

 

To get more information about your child’s experience ask open-ended questions like, “Can you tell me what happened?” Always acknowledge their emotions with something like “That must have felt lonely. I’m here to help.”

 

If you feel that your child is struggling socially, encourage them to practise simple social skills like saying hello, asking to join a game, or inviting someone to play. Role-playing these interactions can make them feel more confident – get out the soft toys and create a game with your child so they can practise phrases like “can I play?” or “what’s your name?” etc.

If needed, talk to your child’s educator or teacher to get a clearer picture of what’s happening. Sometimes our kids give us a snippet of their day – the one moment where they felt left out, when in fact the remaining hours of the day they were happy and connected with others. This would signify that it is probably not a big problem. However if it does appear to be a consistent challenge, teachers can often help by pairing your child with a buddy or encouraging inclusive group activities.

 

While it can be draining as a parent, encouraging social connections is often one of the best solutions. Organise playdates outside of kinder or school to help your child build these one-on-one connections – sometimes smaller settings can make it easier for kids to form friendships.

 

Lastly, help your child build confidence in other areas. Whether it’s a sport, art, or a hobby, feeling good about themselves can make it easier to approach social situations.

About the author

Amanda Abel is a paediatric psychologist, mum, and founder of Northern Centre for Child Development (NCCD) and Hawthorn Centre for Child Development (HCCD) – multidisciplinary paediatric practices in Melbourne. Working directly and indirectly with hundreds of clients each year, Amanda’s mission is for every child to achieve their best outcomes by equipping families and educators with the tools they need to help kids thrive.
Amanda draws on her own experiences of being a parent along with her extensive training and well-honed skill set to get families thriving. Having worked with families for almost two decades, as a psychologist for the past 11 years in a variety of settings, and a valued board member of the Autism Behavioural Intervention Association, Amanda loves building the confidence of the adults in the lives of children so that they can connect meaningfully, help them reach their full potential, and live a life that reflects their values.
Often appearing on Channel 7 and 9 News and regularly featuring in print media, Amanda is on a mission to make the world better for kids through her clinical work, consulting to some of the biggest global toy manufacturers and educating the digital media industry about making the internet safer for kids.
Photo by Tatiana Syrikova