Expert Opinion

Supporting Challenging Behaviour with Conscious Communication

15 Apr
Dealing with tantrums, hitting, biting, or emotional outbursts can feel overwhelming for any parent or educator. However, it’s important to understand that challenging behaviour in young children is completely normal. Rather than seeing it as misbehavior or your child being naughty, child development tells us that it is communication.
Children often act out because they are trying to express an unmet need. This could be physical, such as hunger or lack of sleep, or emotional, such as needing connection, attention, or feeling overwhelmed. That is why it is so important that we give our children high nutrition, sleep, and the connection and emotional support that they need. In many cases, especially with younger or non-verbal children, they simply do not yet have the skills to communicate what they need in a more appropriate way.
Another key factor is brain development. The part of the brain responsible for emotional regulation and decision-making is still developing in young children, it doesn’t actually fully develop until they are 26 years old! This means they rely heavily on adults to guide them through their big emotions and help them learn how to respond.
So how can we effectively deal with challenging behaviour in the moment?

A simple three-step approach can support both the child and the adult during these situations.

1. Acknowledge and connect.

Start by recognizing the child’s feelings. Get down to their level and validate their emotions. For example, “Oh you just don’t want to go home! You’re having so much fun!.” This helps the child feel understood and can immediately reduce the intensity of their reaction.

2. State your expectations calmly.

Once you’ve connected, clearly set the boundary or expectations firmly yet kindly. For example, “It’s time to go home.” It’s important to remain calm and avoid blaming or shaming the child. Your tone and language play a powerful role in shaping their response.

3. Offer a choice.

Children often feel out of control during emotional moments. Offering simple choices helps them regain a sense of control. For instance, “You can walk to the car or hop like a bunny, you choose.” This encourages cooperation while still maintaining your expectations, whilst allowing the child to be back in control on how to do something rather than what to do.
It’s also important to remember that all feelings are valid, but not all behaviours are acceptable. Our role is to guide children toward safe and appropriate ways to express those feelings. This might include teaching them to use words, take deep breaths, or engage in calming activities like squeezing a stress ball or drawing.
Consistency and patience are essential. These skills take time to develop, and children learn through repetition and guidance.
When we approach challenging behaviour with empathy, clarity, and calmness, we are not just managing the moment, we are helping children build lifelong skills in emotional regulation, communication, and resilience.

About the author

Sylvia Arotin – Child Development Expert

Recently crowned Woman of the Year by the Duchess of York at the Women Changing the World awards, Sylvia is an award winning international child development expert and the director and owner of My Montessori School in Sydney, Australia.

She is also the founder of the well-established global Guide & Grow brand, one of the largest Montessori at home online support platforms with over 450,000+ members.

Sylvia’s commitment to excellence in early childhood education and development has been recognized with several industry and business awards. She is passionate about conscious communication, guiding behaviour, Montessori principles and bridging the gap between the early childhood sector and families to better the outcomes for children. She holds an International Montessori 0-3yrs training, 3-6 AMI Assistants training, a Bachelor in Communications and a Masters in Teaching specializing in early childhood (0-5 yrs).