Expert Opinion

How can I encourage my child to be more independent?

16 Apr
This is crucial as it sets the foundation for your little’s confidence, decision-making skills, and their ability to manage in the world without you – for which there are increasing opportunities as they grow older. Independence is not about leaving your child to handle everything on their own – throwing them in at the deep end! But rather about teaching them the skills they need by creating opportunities for practice in a supportive environment.

 

Choices are your first step – So start by offering choices throughout the day. Instead of asking if they want to put on their coat, ask if they’d like to wear the blue one or the red one for example. Offering limited choices is empowering as it helps them practise decision-making without the stress of an open-ended choice (i.e. an open-ended choice would be “what do you want to wear?” which can be too tricky for young children).

 

Another way to foster independence is to involve them in simple, everyday tasks. Toddlers and preschoolers love helping out and feeling like they’re contributing to the household. Give them age-appropriate responsibilities like setting the table, packing away plastic containers from the dishwasher or turning the washing machine on. Not only does this boost their self-esteem, but it also helps them learn valuable life skills.

Another key aspect is allowing for some struggle. It’s natural to want to step in when your child is having difficulty, but giving them a moment to try and problem-solve builds resilience. An example that springs to mind is when your little is trying to put on their shoes, give them time to figure it out before offering assistance. When they do ask for help, provide just enough support to help them succeed without taking over the task entirely.

 

Lastly, celebrate their successes, no matter how small. Acknowledge their efforts by saying things like, “You did such a great job putting your shoes on all by yourself!” Positive reinforcement encourages them to keep trying new things and builds their confidence in their abilities.

 

Remember, fostering independence in young children is a gradual process. With patience and support, you can help your child develop the skills they need to become more confident doing things for themselves.

About the author

Amanda Abel is a paediatric psychologist, mum, and founder of Northern Centre for Child Development (NCCD) and Hawthorn Centre for Child Development (HCCD) – multidisciplinary paediatric practices in Melbourne. Working directly and indirectly with hundreds of clients each year, Amanda’s mission is for every child to achieve their best outcomes by equipping families and educators with the tools they need to help kids thrive.
Amanda draws on her own experiences of being a parent along with her extensive training and well-honed skill set to get families thriving. Having worked with families for almost two decades, as a psychologist for the past 11 years in a variety of settings, and a valued board member of the Autism Behavioural Intervention Association, Amanda loves building the confidence of the adults in the lives of children so that they can connect meaningfully, help them reach their full potential, and live a life that reflects their values.
Often appearing on Channel 7 and 9 News and regularly featuring in print media, Amanda is on a mission to make the world better for kids through her clinical work, consulting to some of the biggest global toy manufacturers and educating the digital media industry about making the internet safer for kids.
Photo by Tatiana Syrikova