- Start out by brainstorming activities that both you and your child enjoy – if you struggle with playing, you’ll find it easier engaging in something you enjoy yourself (but remember, your child needs to enjoy it too!). Make a list, and keep it somewhere so you can refer to it easily.
- Allow your child to take the lead in play. Take off your ‘teaching’ hat and refrain from being directive and leading the play through telling them what to do. This is a chance for your child to be in control – let them enjoy that!
- Where possible, engage in one of your child’s preferred activities. You can join them while they’re already playing, or you can set aside a time to play together.
- Connecting meaningfully through play – or ‘cup filling’, requires your undivided attention – so put the phone away and give your child quality attention. Be present and engaged. Try to make it just the two of you.
- If it helps either or both of you – use a timer to show how long you’ll be playing together. This can help increase the structure for those of us who like that, and it can also make the transition to finishing this fabulous one-on-one time with a parent that little bit easier.
- Speaking of time, do what you can manage. Something is better than nothing!
- Let yourself be creative and allow your child to see this part of you. Giving yourself permission to just ‘be’ in play allows you to enjoy this time judgement free – without worrying about looking silly (remember – kids LOVE silly)!
- If you’re exhausted, try to find a way that you and your child can connect that isn’t too taxing on you. Or, find a way that you both find enjoyable (i.e. going for a walk and commenting on what you can see)
- Remember that what your child finds valuable isn’t always what you think might be. They may value time sitting on the couch with you, just talking. Or lying on the floor colouring in together. You don’t need to plan extravagant activities – your child will get so much more from meaningfully connecting with you through play as they’ll have your undivided attention – and you’ll both be far more relaxed.
- The more you do it, the better you’ll get at it!
- Connecting meaningfully with your child is imperative for a healthy relationship between the two of you, as well as for your child’s future relationships with others. How you connect will change over time as your child develops, so keep up with their evolving interests and preferences to help maintain a healthy relationship as they grow. As always, seek help from a psychologist trained in attachment theory if you sense you need a little more support.
Find out Amanda’s secret hack to helping calm your little ones, just by incorporating play-doh into their playtime!
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